The 12 Ex Girlfriends that can Ruin your Relationship

A good man is hard to find. A good man without a slew of troubling ex-girlfriends is downright impossible.

Whether she was the one who got away or the one who drove him to insanity, your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend can still linger in his memories. Or, even worse, outside his apartment.

Some ex-girlfriends are harmless and some need restraining orders. Which of these ex’s are ready to wreak havoc on your relationship?

Psycho ex-girlfriend
You’ve been told so many stories about her that she sounds like an urban legend. You heard about the broken glass, a dead cat, stolen money and a standoff with the police. They broke up after she trashed his apartment and skipped town with a local drug dealer. Your boyfriend was in therapy for a year with post-traumatic stress syndrome.Threat level: Medium. She’s gone for now, but that doesn’t mean she won’t turn up one day looking to wrap him back around her maniacal finger.

Stalker ex-girlfriend
She’s just like the psycho ex-girlfriend except she never left town—she never wants to leave. She parks outside of his office and tries to approach him at the mall. He’s considering a court order of protection but he doesn’t want to set her off. Threat level: High. Watch your back. This one’s creepy enough to cut your brakes and try to console him back into a relationship.

College ex-girlfriend 
She was perky, smart and would have kept dating him had she not applied to grad school on the other side of the country. She sends him the occasional Facebook message to stay in touch and ask if he’s going to the college reunion (he’s not). She’s engaged to another student in her fellowship program. Threat level: Low. She’s too far away both in distance and in life. Plus, she seems like a nice, normal human being. If she were in town visiting, you wouldn’t mind meeting her and her fiancé for dinner… but they’re not allowed to sleep over.

BFF ex-girlfriend 
They dated for a few years before deciding they were better off being friends. BEST friends. Even though you’re his girlfriend, they still take vacations together, share a hotel room and—for reasons unknown by you—call each other “Pookie.”Threat level: High. He swears there is nothing between them, but their inseparable dynamic will bring out a paranoid and jealous side of you that you never knew existed. You will go through her Facebook photos and rifle through his belongings trying to find incriminating evidence. He’ll never cheat, but your nervous breakdown will be the end of your nerve-wracking relationship.

Clone ex-girlfriend
She’s your height, has your hair color and could pass as your sister. But she’s not your sister—she’s his ex-girlfriend who looks and acts exactly like you. You suspect his friends secretly call you the “New Melissa.” Threat level: High. Clearly this guy isn’t over the “Original Melissa.” It doesn’t matter if she’s still in his life or left the country. You’re just a stand-in for a woman with a matching drivers license.

Tragic ex-girlfriend 
They were totally in love until she came down with cancer and got hit by a car on the way to her chemo appointment and was air-lifted to the hospital when the helicopter crashed into a mountain and burst into deadly flames. He still cries when he sees a helicopter. Threat level: Medium. Well, she’s out of the picture. So there’s that. But will he ever truly get over her? Probably not. She seemed really special. Tear.

Tragic ex-girlfriend 
They were totally in love until she came down with cancer and got hit by a car on the way to her chemo appointment and was air-lifted to the hospital when the helicopter crashed into a mountain and burst into deadly flames. He still cries when he sees a helicopter. Threat level: Medium. Well, she’s out of the picture. So there’s that. But will he ever truly get over her? Probably not. She seemed really special. Tear.

Hometown ex-girlfriend
She was a fixture of his high school days—the consummate girl next door. His mother considered her a daughter, and was devastated when they decided to forego a long distance college relationship. Threat level: Low. At first, you wonder if his mother will ever love you like she loved this ex. But then you see a photo of her, and see she’s married with four children and a double chin. Nothing to worry about here.

Model ex-girlfriend
Tatiana or Allesndra—or whatever her name is—was so tall, European and gorgeous she could have any man she wanted. Which is why, you suppose, she cheated on your boyfriend with a music video director and moved to LA. Threat level: Medium. She’s too good for him now, but eventually she’ll lose her looks and have to retire from modeling at the age of 26. What if she comes back for him?

Ugly ex-girlfriend
He’s untagged all of his photos with her on Facebook, but you still see her face pop up on his old vacation pictures. Whatever, you’re way more attractive than her weird baboon face. But if she’s so ugly, why did he date her? Are you ugly, or are you stooping?Threat level: Low. Be happy he’s got that out of his system. Now that he’s been with you, he’ll never go back to number two. She really looks like a number two, if you know what I mean.

Office ex-girlfriend
They stopped dating, but they continue to work together. Her desk is down the corridor from his. They attend the same office parties, share the same assistant and laugh at the same jokes about the weird guy in HR. Threat level: High. Those Thursday night happy hours are a dangerous breeding ground of office politics and hormones. Also: she looks like a knock-out in a power suit.

Fiancée ex-girlfriend 
She mailed out their invitations, booked a caterer and picked a chocolate truffle wedding cake. She also called off the wedding when she discovered she couldn’t go through with it. Threat level: Medium. Yes, she broke his heart and ruined him for subsequent engagements. But there will always be a part of him that would take her back in a heartbeat to salvage those hand-written place cards.

Wealthy ex-girlfriend
She has a net worth of 1.2 billion, a restaurant chain named after her grandfather and access to a private jet. No, it’s not her own private jet. She’s not filthy rich, your boyfriend reminds you. She’s just well off. Threat level: High. Money can’t buy you love, but It can buy her love. If she wanted to pay off your student loans, she could probably buy you, too.

Phoner:  How did his ex destroy your relationship?

The Gloss

 
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